Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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