she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
