His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
