In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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