It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
