I bet he comes in French.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
