dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize