Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
