life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
