don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
