i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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