The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No...this little piggys going to the bar
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
