Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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