I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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