just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
