Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
