my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
