My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
