At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
