i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
