All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
