no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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