So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
