my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
