Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize