Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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