Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
