Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
