I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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