Kiss
Puke
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
