I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
