apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize