Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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