Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
