does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
