I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
