So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
