your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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