Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
