so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
