she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
