Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
