it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
