I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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