Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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