you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
