Got a toothbrush?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
