she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
