i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize