The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So much Jack, so little girl.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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