Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize