I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
