There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
