Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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