just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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