I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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