i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
