My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
