Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
