careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
