we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
