So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
