btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
