apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
