Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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