So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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