i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
