shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
