I'm lost and stupid without you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
