Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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