I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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