There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
