I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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