Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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