Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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