so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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