I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I party with great urgency now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
